WRITING FAMILY TRIBUTES FOR FUNERALS
This post offers help in writing a family tribute. Whether you are writing it in full yourselves, or simply trying to gather bullet points of information to share with the minister taking your loved one’s funeral, these four examples will help you begin to organise your thoughts. These tributes are all genuine eulogies, used with permission, but with all the names and places changed.
EXAMPLE ONE: Barbara:
a heartfelt story told in a traditional way, following her life from start to finish with warmth and care.
Barbara was born on 25th May 1939 to parents Herbert & Annie and raised in the Rhondda with her four Sisters May, Gwen, Linda, Pauline and Brother Davey. She often talked about her childhood and the happy memories growing up, such as looking out for Pauline or taking Davey out in his new pushchair and coming home kicking the wheel back on after it had come off. She remained very close to her family throughout her life, regularly meeting up for meals or for Ten Pin bowling on a Tuesday.
At 15 Barbara went to work for Cadbury’s in the Nut room where she progressed to supervisor. She worked hard throughout her life in a number of jobs. Later as a book-keeper she brought work home and often had two jobs at a time to help provide for the family. She eventually retired from Walkers’ at the age of 70, but no matter how hard she worked she always had time for her family.
At 17 Barbara met Malcolm and their love for each other quickly grew, Malcolm was about to start National service in the Army but this didn’t get in their way. Malcolm says that “After a month I told Barbara I loved her on the Platform at Cardiff Central Station, I knew she was the one for me”. They quickly got engaged, wrote to each other regularly and any chance Malcolm got to come home he would, even hitching lifts from strangers. Within weeks of him leaving the Army they were married, a very happy marriage which lasted for 60 years, they celebrated this in Dec last year with a large family gathering in Ystrad which Barbara really enjoyed.
Barbara’s three Daughters Eunice, Janice and Patrice are all really close to their Mum. They all have fond memories of them growing up. The family holidays they had in Paignton & Weymouth, sitting on the beach in all-weathers eating soggy sandwiches, Barbara watching them and all the other children playing on the beach which she loved to do. Barbara always made Xmas really special too for the girls, they went to bed on Xmas Eve to wake the next morning to a magical transformation with the tree and decorations having been put up after they’d gone to bed. Even after the girls left home & got married to Son in laws Gerald, Phil and Martyn (who all loved her very much too), Barbara maintained the tradition and the family always got together on Christmas day to unwrap presents, the tree decorated as beautifully as ever.
Barbara has four Grandchildren, Rosie, Kiera, Monty & Louie and she was a great hands on grandmother, the grandchildren loved spending time with her after School and in the holidays playing in the garden, the girls playing hair & makeup and the boys playing sports. They were also so lucky to have spent a number of memorable family holidays with her when they were young. Barbara saw both her granddaughters get married in recent years to Chris and Jim, welcoming them both into the family. She was very much looking forward to becoming a Great Nan in Feb for the first time too.
Finally something that Malcolm said recently which I think sums up their life together: – “they were sweethearts and not only loved each other but were still in love, holding hands wherever they went”. Barbara is a huge loss and she will be sorely missed by all, but she will never be forgotten.
EXAMPLE TWO: Mary
thoughtful and descriptive, focusing on her character traits while weaving in key events from her life.
I went to meet with John, I asked for few words to describe Mary. These are the words that emerged as spoke
- CREATIVE — painter, musician, with an elegance within herself that showed itself through, immaculate make-up and with years of keep fit and golf leaving her able to look a million dollars in her stylish, well-chosen outfits
- AFFECTIONATE— although she was a private kind of person, I have a picture of Mary as someone who loved to love, family, friends, dogs
- CAREFUL — there are many losses along life’s long journey, and the twists and turns in Mary’s story left her anxious sometimes, aware of our fragility
- FESITY — a strong-willed woman, who was prepared to stand her ground over the things, and people, that mattered
Mary was born 6-Dec-15, christened Philippa Mary Smith, a little girl growing up with Eric, Stanley, Ray, Doris and Margret in Burton-on-Trent. When she left school, Mary became a commercial artist for Ind Coop, designing beer bottle labels, with artistic skills inherited from her father I think. But the crucial job was in the wartime depot at RAOC Branston – the Royal Army Ordnance Corps was a corps of the British Army — both a supply and repair: weapons, armoured vehicles and other military equipment, ammunition, clothing, and other general stores with certain minor functions such as laundry, mobile baths and photography!
Amid the wartime busyness of ATS girls and US military personnel, Mary and her beloved William found each other. He was her boss – and she married him, and they had forty years together, with a son, John, born just after the war. They settled first in the south east and then later the North West, and it was here that Mary’s daughter Vera was reunited with them, having been adopted many years earlier. This coming together brought Nicola, Nicholas and Julia as grandchildren into her life too, alongside nieces and nephews too. Widowed at 68, Mary has been blessed to have some wonderful male companions in her later years, Sid, Bill (who she picked up in a B&Q paint aisle) and Harold.
The cost of living into your nineties is that you become the last of your generation and mother hens can grow very weary. Mary’s final years have not been easy. John told me that he feels as if they have lost her three times now — her journey into confusion, her move into residential care, and finally her physical passing. Her unexpected death has been a terrible shock — it is very early days for those who loved her most. And I know that they especially truly appreciate all the love and support that you have shown. As a family, they have carried grief over the years. But losing your mum, that’s a different kind of aloneness. It’s been a struggle to get as far as today — but it is after today, after her ashes join William’s remains back in Wrexham that the really hard work will begin for them.
EXAMPLE 3: Rachel
full of anecdotes, mixing humour with tender moments to create a lively and affectionate picture.
Rachel Irene Thomas, born October 1930 in Cumbria, the firstborn to miner Tom and his wife Bessie. She soon had sisters, Margaret and Barbara, and a brother, Donald, with whom to share the family home. As so many in the interwar years, the family was drawn to Oxford, the pull of steady work in the car factory, at a time of economic uncertainty.
Rachel was a teenager in wartime Oxford, enjoying dances at the town hall, with a carefully pencilled line down the back of her legs, to give the impression of the seam of a slinky stocking.
One on occasion though, she got more than she bargained for. Sitting down again with her friends, after a smooch dance with a young man, she realised that they were laughing and pointing. Turned out that the young man’s moustache was a genuine as the pencil line on her stockings, and when he had kissed her, he had left her a moustache mark of her own — this was the opposite of lipstick on your collar!
Martin was serving in the navy when Rachel met him at a dance in the Carfax Assembly Rooms – introduced by their mutual friend Roy. Well, I say introduced. I gather it was actually that he set them up on a blind date. A blind date that worked its magic though, as by the mid 1950s Martin and Rachel had married and were settling down on Rose Hill.
She knew she had married a rebel, but he mellowed step by step into the role of father as together they raised three boys, Roger, Nigel and Raymond , and two girls, Jane and Kathy. And this has become eleven grandchildren and two greatgrandchildren of course! A long life with a large family has its ups and downs, and of course, it is only last year, that we all gathered here with great sadness, to mark Martin’s passing. I asked the family to give me five words to describe Rachel. I wonder which words you might choose? They chose: caring — loving — generous (“her whole life was us” they said) — funny — innocent
Rachel had the ability to get hold of the wrong end of the stick, and without trying to be a comedienne, brought affectionate laughter. Like the time she commented that so-and-so’s new baby was a real blessing, because they’d had to have VHS treatment. Or the time one busy family lunchtime, she set fire to her hair whilst battling with a chip pan, and exasperated said, “will someone put me out.”
Over the years Rachel committed herself to raising her family, with part-time jobs fitted in around the children’s needs. And in due course, she spent time caring for her own mother. In later life, with more time for themselves, Rachel and Martin enjoyed day trips and holidays: Hayling Island, home to Cumbria, Tenerife, and of course to New Zealand to see the growing family.
Age, and Martin’s illness and death have been a heavy burden for Rachel. The last eighteen months have enclosed her. “I’ll go out next week” was her reply, and she spent much of her time at home, with her beloved Tammy, the Westie, faithfully walked by daughters, sons and sons-in-law. I asked the family what brought her joy. Two answers – music — Engelbert, Bassey, Andy Williams, last night of the proms and of course, her beloved grandkids.
EXAMPLE 4: Granny Sue
a nostalgic and chatty tribute, bringing her to life through vivid memories and her strong family connections.
Granny Sue is at the heart of childhood memories for many of us here today. Whether it’s popping in on a Saturday and being urged to help yourself to a chocolate bar off the plate in the cupboard, the day trips out to the railway or the safari park with all the kids in the school holidays, the camping trips when the tent would be shaking from us all giggling so much, or doing odd jobs like mowing the lawn for her and having money thrust into your hand – and no amount of objection would change her mind. She was an ever present, comforting figure who always had time to have a cup of tea and ask “alright cock?”.
Granny Sue was a very proud Grandmother. She’d often compliment her Grandkids, for all sorts of things. Whether it was academic or athletic achievements, artistic creativity, confidence on the stage, beauty, kindness or braveness she’d always make sure to tell us. But she also liked to retain a bit of credit for herself – “well”, she’d say. “they get that from me”. Despite the eye rolls that would inevitably follow – especially from the generation sandwiched between us and her – she was right. Lots of our best bits come from her. She was very bright and inquisitive, and she loved learning. She encouraged her Grandchildren to read, though she was definitely guilty of lending slightly inappropriate romance novels to the girls! She encouraged us to work hard in school, and was always interested in what we were learning. “Tell me what you’ve learnt today” she’d ask as I made her a cup of tea. Any time any of us did well in an exam, she’d nod approvingly and say “they get that from me”.
Granny Sue was also very creative and had an artistic streak. She passed her talents on to her kids and grandkids and encouraged us to try other different creative pursuits, be it sitting us up the table to paint stones on holiday as children or learning how to crochet and sew as adults. She enjoyed singing and dancing, even into her later years, and loved it when James would take her for a spin around Aunty Kim’s kitchen at Christmas to show her his moves. She was especially proud of Olivia’s acting performances – this was another definite “mm, she get’s that from me!”
She’d often grab us by the arm and say “let me look at you” as she took it all in. On the other hand, despite the fact she would always be so well put together with immaculate clothes, hair and makeup, she’d without fail say to us upon arrival “oh, don’t look at me today, I look a dog”. She never did! Granny Sue was resilient and determined, and once she put her mind to something there was no stopping her. She was also very competitive – remember those Boxing Day quizzes? Above all else, Granny Sue was kind, thoughtful and caring. She wanted the best for her family, but most of all she wanted us to be happy. She’d take great pleasure in making sure we had what we needed – whether it was helping Warren buy surprise Christmas presents for his mum or going with us to pick out the whole kit and caboodle to move to university. But she was also tuned in to our feelings, like when she clocked Aimee looking anxious as they piled all her university stuff up on the checkout. She told her “not to worry, it’s just stuff, and if you don’t like it and you want to come home, you can”.
Granny Sue undoubtedly gave us many gifts throughout her long life. But most of all, she gave us that sense of home. She built a strong family unit, and taught us all that blood is thicker than water and, that when the going gets tough, it’s family that matters most of all. Of all the things she can take credit for, it’s that our family is close and we care for one another through thick and thin.
We get that from Granny.
Lent Stepping Stones 2025
Advent and Christmas 2024
You can find copies of the Morning Prayer we shall use at 8am by zoom daily from Tuesday 17 December to Tuesday 24 December.
You can find copies of the daily resources for Advent here.
You can use our 6 minute video reflections from YouTube for the reading for each week in Advent.
Summer with the Psalms | ABIDE
Lent 2023 | ABIDE
We are pleased to publish this years daily devotions for Monday 20th February to Easter Eve.
Lent 2022 | ABIDE
You can read more about this set of reflections here.
The Daily Liturgy reflection is about six minutes long and can be heard here:
You can access the individual Points of the Compass reflections here:
- Green Pastures reflection [begin]
- Eastwards reflection [begin]
- Southwards reflection [begin]
- Westwards reflection [begin]
- Northwards reflection [begin]
- Downwards reflection [begin]
- Inwards reflection [begin]
- Upwards reflection [begin]
- Outwards reflection [begin]
- Crossroads reflection [begin]
Easter Windows 2020 & 2021
Each of these nine reflections offers you a snapshot of the story, prompts for action and links to other resources. And yes, each one is named after a hymn. Let’s sing together.
One of the most cherished stories we have of Easter season is a tale of two friends, travelling from Jerusalem to their home village. This is a wretched return to Emmaus for them, walking the lonely seven miles, reflecting sadly about all that had happened in the last few days. They had pinned their hopes on something that was now shattered and broken. At least they had each other. As these two friends talked together, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them. Although they were kept from recognising him, it’s as if their conversation has summoned him, compelled him to draw near. That’s actually hardly surprising, for Jesus himself had said that where two or three got together in his name, he would be there in the middle of it. These two friends on the Emmaus Road give us a picture of our lives as pilgrims, telling us that “we are people who spend our lives going someplace, going to God, and whose path for getting there is the way, Jesus Christ” (Eugene Peterson). The Emmaus Road challenges us though to see that this pilgrimage is something we undertake in community, in relationship with others. The two walk together and make room for a third. At the story’s climax, they then rush back to Jerusalem to tell the wider group of friends what they have discovered about the risen Jesus in the midst of their friendship. And in the upper room in Jerusalem, as they all talked together, they found the story was deeper and more glorious than they had dared imagine. And while they were together, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.” Things shattered were restored and that which was broken was made whole.
Poet Wendell Berry challenges us to practise resurrection. Our friendships are a good place to start. We need to practise resurrection in our relationships. Relationships, whether deepened, widened, renewed, initiated or repaired, all carry the same explosive potential – that they will tell the story of resurrection to a world hungry for the hope that things shattered can be restored and that which is broken can yet be made whole. I am excited that once this season of social distancing has come to an end, that once we are again amongst one another, that we shall relish being a people confident of God’s abundance and committed to releasing this good news with ever greater vibrancy in the community. What adventures we shall share as we learn to practise resurrection together!
Every blessing,